Kapika* is a Seattle-based news journalist and the mother of an 11-year-old daughter. When she told me about the unexpected emotional response her daughter, seven years old at the time, had to the 2016 election results, I knew I wanted to learn more from her and other mothers in the country who are currently trying to raise young, strong, and educated girls during Donald Trump's presidency.
Do you think your daughter realized what was going on during the last election?
Yes, she did. During the last election she was in second grade, and I happen to work in the media industry. I'm a journalist, but I was very mindful of not having the news run in the house. We don't have a TV, I don't listen to the radio in the car, and I didn't really talk with her about the election very much. It’s just a lot of anxiety-inducing information, especially the political news. There was a lot of nasty rhetoric. I wasn’t interested in having all this blowing through a seven-year-old’s environment. It was talked about among the kids in her class, though. There were a bunch of kids who were talking about Trump, and also about Clinton. My daughter would ask, "Who is Trump?.” She also knew my preference.
How do you remember the election period and specifically election night of 2016?
My daughter knew the election was happening. She was there when I filled out my ballot. She was proud to take it up to the box and to be a part of the whole voting process. I was surprised that she was a little anxious about what was going on with the election. I don’t remember being anxious about elections when I was her age. The result of the presidential election was a surprise to all of us. At first, Clinton was leading and that was around when my daughter went to bed. When she got up later that night to go to the bathroom, she asked who was winning and I told her that it had shifted. I was heartbroken that she got a little teary. She had been hearing of Trump’s rhetoric from the other children at school and watching some of the video clips as a result. It's very elementary, very basic stuff. The way he speaks about women, the way he speaks about immigrants in such derogatory, really inflammatory ways. It’s not difficult for a child to pick up on this. If children watch video clips of Trump’s inflammatory remarks, it’s all very obvious to them. They say that he is being mean. How is it that children can easily identify this, and adults contort themselves into justifying his behavior? So that was the experience that night. She went back to bed, and the rest of the night and following day was spent navigating what’s to happen next.
Have the last four years made you worry for your daughter?
There are a few different ways to look at it. On the one hand, there are worries and I think it really depends on where we go from this election. So yes, there always are worries. We are a family of color. She is navigating the world as a girl of color. There are inherent concerns with that. There is also another part of this, though. Trump being elected is a symptom of what's been going on in this society for a long time. Obviously, enough of our society condoned him for doing and saying these menacing and hateful things because he got elected. This can’t happen unless there is a society that supports this behavior. At the same time, these times have given my daughter a kind of a sharpness, a clear understanding of what's going on in a way that is not filtered and veiled. My daughter and I have conversations about patriarchy. She will call it out at a grocery store. She'll see a man and woman in conversation where there’s a power dynamic that’s patronizing and she'll be like, "Wow, he's patriarchy, Mama." She’ll say this phrase in correct context and she’s very precise, because she has fresh perspectives and hasn’t been conditioned for decades like I have been. I didn’t even have that vocabulary when I was her age. So, in that sense, she understands a lot of concepts more clearly and has the ability to name them and act accordingly to protect herself and not accept it.
Does your family have conversations at home regarding politics, and if so, will you have these in front of or with her?
Well, I've got a daughter that has a mom in the media so she definitely is exposed in some way today, during this pandemic where we all work from home, unlike when she was seven. She doesn't hear my perspectives on politics directly from me, but she hears it through my work and she hears it through the conversations that I'm having with friends. There will be times when I'll see some reports and I'll be a little sad. There was an interview I listened to this morning about police brutality, and I was a little teary. She saw me, and she asked me what happened, so it's more about addressing it when it happens. When we see homelessness or poverty out in public or we experience micro aggression due to our appearance as people of color, she might have questions, or I might help her through her evident hurt or concern. We have deeper conversations about social issues because I feel this is the healthiest way to address these issues.
Have you stepped into concrete action as a family or parent?
I will point out some of the things that my daughter’s teacher does that are particularly thoughtful to her. For instance, during the protests following George Floyd’s death, all the protesters had been pushed from Downtown Seattle and Capitol Hill to the Chinatown/International District. Once they had gotten them there, the police just let them go, so the place got destroyed because the police didn’t take action. A lot of businesses had already boarded themselves up, but there were a lot of businesses that were vandalized and broken into. My daughter’s teacher, who is a person of color as well, got involved in a project where Black and Asian artists could paint murals on the boarded-up windows in the Chinatown/International District. We worked with the shop owners to make sure that what went up was appropriate for them. We could come up with Black Lives Matter content to be on these boards in their windows, too. The teacher invited only the children of color to participate in this project. I thought that was such a thoughtful gesture. We were also part of a silent march for Black Lives Matter. My daughter wanted to participate because her teachers, other parents, and children from her school were participating. I think that kind of thing makes a difference. When the people you look up to model the work and invite the children to participate in human rights causes, this is doing the work in community. When COVID-19 happened, the teacher encouraged the children in my daughter’s class to implement acts of community service. My daughter decided to make gyoza/pot stickers. She made over a thousand of them. She was just handing out frozen gyoza to the neighbors so they could cook them at home. We got to meet a lot of people that way. I have learned how to build community through my daughter. She also decided to make these little art pieces for every house on our block and hung them up. It was very sweet. She then decided to reach out to the senior housing facility where her grandmother lives. She talked to the executive director there to see if she could create these art pieces for every apartment inside this facility because she was thinking of the grandmas and grandpas who live there and might feel isolated during COVID-19. I think these complex times have actually been a beautiful opportunity for her to learn about how to serve the community and how to organize.
How are you preparing for this election with a possible negative outcome?
My daughter hasn't raised any concerns about the outcomes of the elections yet, but I think she's been hearing a number of different perspectives on it. We’ve prepared for disaster to an extent during the pandemic, so what we do to prepare for the election outcome will be similar. One great thing is that she really enjoys being in nature, and she is very interested in gardening. So there's been a lot of gardening, which is an important thing to be doing right now. Staying home also gets us out to see our neighbors and cultivate stronger community; getting to know nearby places that are safe, meeting people who we can rely on if things go south. The pandemic has created a really organic and helpful journey of preparing for this election time.
How are other parents dealing with everything that has happened in the last four years?
I think many parents are getting overwhelmed and shutting down. They aren’t keeping up on what is going on, because the news is so depressing and anxiety producing to them. This is a problem, because families can get complacent. Other parents are getting protective of their own interests and becoming more insular. I’m concerned about this. Then, there are families that are really embracing community more, and getting out to help. I see this happening in more diverse neighborhoods where there is more need. I see the communities that don’t have these worries as much, becoming more insular, and struggling communities banding together more. I see a lot of families, particularly in affluent neighborhoods, trying to shelter their children in spite of how old they are from the happenings in the world. I hope there can be more ways to engage families in helping the community more actively, and not shy away from uncomfortable topics like race, sexuality, gender identity, women’s issues, mental health, domestic violence, poverty, prostitution and immigration. I feel that sweeping these topics under the rug makes for dis-ease where people “other” others more. It also makes children feel uncomfortable sorting through these issues and they shut down, especially if they personally face them later. That said, I’m glad that these topics are being discussed more openly today than when I was growing up.
What are your hopes and dreams for the future?
My hopes are that we can stay on this planet and that we're not completely evicted from it in the next twenty years. That would be awesome. It's a gift to be here and I hope that there are more people who will fight for the planet. I hope that we can have access to clean drinking water and that we can have safe air, for example. Basic life - sustaining things. I hope that we can break out of this. The fact that it has come to this point makes me feel that we really are at a fork in the road. I hope that the next generation can take us further. Not by themselves with us handing them a mess, but that we can do it together, intergenerationally. And quite frankly, I want that women are valued more for their contribution to society in terms of caregiving and work. That we can own the decisions of what happens to our bodies, that women are supported in health services, social services and mental health. Because I'm done with this. I'm so done with patriarchy.
(*pseudonym)
